So you’ve got too many rsvp’s- yikes! If you’ve only got the budget or space for a certain number of people and too many say they’ll be there it can come down to a harsh reality- you’ll have to un-invite some guests. This is absolutely no fun, but it does happen. We’re here to help you get through it.
Be Honest
If there’s no way of sugar coating it- don’t. There’s nothing wrong with being honest. In fact, it’s the best way to handle any situation- tough or otherwise. There can be a better way to approach it, but your subject matter should always be rooted in honesty. Think about why you have to cut the headcount- is it money? is it the space? Whatever it is, work out the best way to phrase it. Ask your fiance to help you out and back you up. Try having the conversation with each other to make it easier. Just be honest and don’t change your mind. Once someone’s cut, they’re cut!
Offer an Alternative
While you can’t have them at the official wedding or reception, ask for a dinner or brunch. Say that you want to celebrate privately in place of the large ceremony and plan on a different sort of get together. While you’re explaining why you have to un-invite that guest, you can follow up with scheduling a different time to celebrate. This can also help you while you’re explaining- you can mention that you’d prefer a more private time to celebrate and share this moment in your life with this guest. For the most part, your friends and family want to go to your wedding because they want to support you and they’re happy for you. Remember that and work out another time to celebrate and share.
Follow Up with a Thank You
After the conversation about un-inviting, it can be good to follow up with them to ensure it wasn’t out of bad blood. After you un-invite someone, it is just good manners to extend some sort of love their way. It can be tacky to send them a wedding thank you card (definitely DON’T send them pictures from the wedding they were un-invited to), but send a short handwritten card just thanking them for understanding. No need for frills or anything crazy, but show that you do appreciate their flexibility and that they are still meaningful in their life. Be gracious and kind, it always pays off in the end.
Andrea Carter
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